First

This is my first ever blog and therefor my first ever post.
I don't know where I should begin. If time permitted I would give my life up until this point but I dont have the time to write that nor do you have the time to read it.
So lets start with today.
Today I am at work, not working as has been the case lately and realing after 4 days of extreme binging. I am taking care of my mom's dog while she is out of town, so every evening for the past week I leave my husband (we will call him Josh) and go to my mom's house and binge on food until I am so full that I actually feel high. Its what I imagine opiates to feel like.

Opiates are the only type of drug I have not done. My 10 years of drug use consisted of mainly uppers and cocaine was my drug of choice.

When I am high on food I feel light stoned and sedated.

It's 2 hours before I leave work and have to make the decision I dread everyday...what to have for dinner. Dinner time is when my binging starts. I eat "well" all day and then feed the beast all night. I have plans to go to yoga and meet my friends this evening, but all I want to do right now is feed. Let it be known that I have planned a sensible meal, I always have an healthy meal planned.....but all I want to do is feed the beast.

I am over 300 pounds and have been off drugs for about 7 years now. I have always binged on food, since I was 11 but this is the worst it has ever been.... This is my daily battle, the war I wage everyday on myself.